Author: Cindy Beers

Categories
Meditation Mental Health & Wellness

Finding Your Peace in this Crazy World

Folks, we are in uncharted waters. Here in America, we have a new person in office. There’s chaos everywhere and things are changing. I’m sure by now you’re wondering how you can keep your inner peace and sanity.

Well, to be honest, I’m trying to figure things out for myself too. What I can tell you is what I’ve done so far which has been pretty successful.

First and foremost, get rid of some apps on your phone: Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, CNN, etc. Get rid of all of them. If you don’t want to, then do some housecleaning and get rid of the things that are somewhat triggering and only look at them once a day and limit the time you’re looking at them. Second, limit what you see as far as news and politics on the computer and tv. Focus on what you like; what makes you happy. Third, find something to do that used to take your time scrolling. I was a big morning scroller when I got up. I would scroll while drinking my tea. Not a healthy way to start the day. Instead, now I turn on my favorite meditation music and read a book. Reading lighthearted authors like Emily Henry and Abby Jimenez has been great. I do try to stay away from murder mysteries and crime. For me, that’s a trigger; so I stay away from them. Create your own new habits. Remember, it takes 21 days to create a habit. Start now.

Now more than ever, it’s important for all of us to keep our wits about us. Focus on your mental health and physical health. If you’re not a big gym person (which I’m definitely not a gym girl), go for a walk, work in your garden, and get plants for indoors. Socialize with people who make you feel good in their presence; people who cheer you and will stand with you. Take up painting. While I can’t draw a straight line, I can do a mean paint by numbers. Baking and cooking are always fun too. Maybe there are cooking classes around where you live. Learn how to meditate if that is something you want to learn. There are many free guided meditations on YouTube and InsightTimer. My dear teacher Bhante Sujatha has plenty out there.

Bottom line, this is a time to take care of you. Your mental health is key.

Categories
Lipedema Mental Health & Wellness

Dealing with Insurance

Having lipedema is complicated. For those of you who don’t know what it is, here’s a great description of lipedema through the website Lipedema Simplified:

Lipedema is a relatively common fat disorder that is often mistaken for simple obesity. Its clinical diagnosis is an adipose tissue disorder or a lipid metabolism disorder. A typical lipedema patient is a woman who struggles with large hips and legs, usually out of proportion to the rest of her body. Lipedema also appears in the upper arms.

One of the hallmarks of the disease is that lipedema fat is relatively unresponsive to standard diet and exercise. These measures may lead to weight loss in other areas, but the size of the hips and legs remains disproportionately large.

Lipedema is a disorder of adipose tissue distinguished by five characteristics:
1) it can be inherited;
2) it occurs almost exclusively in women;
3) it can occur in women of all sizes, from the seriously underweight to the morbidly obese;
4) it involves the excess deposit and expansion of fat cells in an unusual and particular pattern – bilateral, symmetrical and usually from the waist to a distinct line just above the ankles; and
5) unlike the “normal” fat of obesity, lipedemic fat cannot be lost through standard diet and exercise.

With this description, you get the idea that it isn’t a lazy person being fat. Right?

So when I started this journey, I could not find a doctor to do surgery on me. Why? Lipedema specialists are rare and hard to find. Why? Because it’s tough to work on and most doctors in the United States think it’s lazy fat people (my opinion). In Europe, there are quite a few doctors. One clinic in particular is Med-Plast International who have been pinnacle in working with lipedema patients and keeping them from getting bigger. They’ve invented a type of liposuction specific for lipedema which has been incredibly successful.

Ok, back to the USA and my journey. Since Tricare Humana could not find me a surgeon, I reached out to my state senator Bob Casey, and filed a congressional inquiry. It turned out to be a great success. Tricare reached out to me, got me a case manager and we started searching again. They finally saw the trouble I was having because there were no specialists in network to help me. They found me Dr Volshteyn in New Jersey (as I’ve talked about bef0re) who was out of network but said they could get a “one-time” approval for surgery. I turned in the paperwork and I was so sure all would be approved.

WRONG!

The denial was quick. As nice as I could be I called them and asked for the following information: The reviewer, their license number, their specialty, and their continuing education information. Every person I talked to said, “we don’t have that information.” This is typical for the insurance companies because they don’t like patients snooping around and asking questions. Fine. Let’s play the game. I appeal. I also called the Pennsylvania State Attorney General’s office and sent them all the information. Now, I’m speaking out on social media and on this blog. Because of this disease, I’ve had to close my business because I can’t do as much yoga as I used to because of my size below my waist. Walking long distances past 1-2 miles I have pain for two to three days. I dry brush. I exercise daily. I eat a high-protein diet and don’t eat processed foods. I’m doing everything right. So why are you denying me?? WHY? I meet all your qualifications!

The fight continues…

Categories
Lipedema Mental Health & Wellness Stress

My Journey with Lipedema

One thing I hate is talking about myself. My goals and passions in life has been to help others be the person they want to be. So talking about this journey is a a bit of a challenge for me but needed. I know others are going through it too and the more we talk about it, the wider the awareness; especially in the medical world.

I’ve been lucky just getting a diagnosis. As I’ve said before my vascular doctor, Emilia Bittenbinder has been the best. I love her.

So yesterday, I met with a surgeon. Not just any surgeon, a plastic surgeon who specializes in lipdema. Boris Volsheyn, MD is remarkable. After seeing three other plastic surgeons, being shamed, gaslit, and more, he treated me with the utmost respect. His approach was individualistic and not cookie-cutter like I’ve been advised before. When I got his notes, it was 19 pages long with research and scholarly references. Never have I seen that before. So I had to put together a packet for the insurance company. In it were his notes, my referral from the vascular doctor, my personal statement, receipts, and a list of all my vitamins and supplements. I think I gave them everything possible.

Now everything goes to the insurance company. So stressed and hopeful. Things going through my head: What if the insurance doesn’t cover it? What do I do? If I do get it approved, this will be an entire year of work for me; six surgeries. SIX! Lots more compression wear. Lots of driving. Lots of out of pocket expenses for driving to and from New Jersey.

All this and the holidays. Sigh…

Categories
Anxiety Mental Health & Wellness Misc.

Menopause is shitty

Yup! I said it. Menopause is shitty. What makes me laugh is for centuries men have said women are the weaker sex. After giving birth, working along side men and doing the same job they did (in the military with weapons), and now this, I can honestly say we are not the weaker sex.

Let’s get down to business. Menopause isn’t just you stop your period and get hot flashes. No, it’s more than that. So MUCH MORE! Recently I came across a book The New Menopause by Dr Mary Claire Haver. When I read this my mind was blown! I wondered why I couldn’t take pills like I used to because one of the changes in the body with menopause is the throat getting smaller. Burning tongue? Same thing. Vertigo? Same thing. All due to menopause. So I reached out to a doctor I know in my area who has really made it her life’s work to understand and treat menopause, Dr Theresa Burick. She came to the studio and talked to 10 of us women who were all postmenopausal. Along with what Dr Haver says in the book, Dr Burick told us what blood work to get, what supplements we should be taking, and what exercises are the best.

Now more than ever, doctors (not all sadly), are taking menopause a bit more seriously than before. Let me say Dr Burick really gave us some insight into what is learned in medical school regarding menopause. She told us that medical school designates 30 minutes of learning about menopause. THIRTY MINUTES!!! Something that changes a women’s life drastically all for thirty freaking minutes?? Seriously? And they wonder why our healthcare is poor. Doctors in the UK and the EU take menopause seriously and guess what? They listen to the woman too. So often women get dismissed when they talk about these things. I have a friend who is post-menopausal and wanted to get on hormone replacement therapy. The first GYN she saw told her she was too old for HRT. The second GYN, after bloodwork, said she was fine. It took her fighting for someone to listen to her for her to get on HRT. She says she feels better than ever.

Menopause affects more than you realize ladies. It’s time to educate yourself. Read the book, ask the questions, and get the bloodwork. It’s not in your head and you’re not crazy. Yes, anxiety is part of menopause; so is depression too. It’s not just hot flashes and night sweats.

One more thing: I’ve bought at least 6 copies of this book and I always hand them out to ladies going through menopause. Best book for your health.

Categories
Anxiety Misc. Stress Trauma

Dealing with the Holiday’s

Oh, the time has come that the holidays are upon us once again. For folks like me who have anxiety and/or trauma, this is a tough time of year. Below are some things you can do for yourself to keep your sanity.

  1. Learn to say NO! Yes, we all want to please everyone and make everyone happy. Ask yourself, who’s making you happy right now? Do not feel obligated to do everything. For example, I don’t feel like doing Christmas Cards this year. I’m not in the mood and I don’t want to. So guess what? I’m not. I was also invited to a holiday party. There would be many of my friends there too. But I said no. Why? Couple of reasons: 1) I’m not big into parties and lots of people and 2) I don’t want to. I would rather be home in my pajamas where it’s quiet.
  2. Do what you feel like doing. So often during the holiday, the pressure is on women (yes women) to make the cookies, cook the dinner, and get the house ready.  If you want to do all these things great! But let people help you. If you don’t feel like it, don’t. Realize this, the world is not going to come to an end if you don’t get the cookies done or at all. My friend Wendi owns a bakery and she’s a damn good baker. I get my cookies from her and guess what? She does not make any at home! Her logic is simple: if folks want cookies, they can buy them from me but I’m not going to make any at home after making them all day. I get that.
  3. Self Care. I know a few of you will throw your nose up at that but right now, you have to think about this. You’re working, coming home, making dinner, taking care of the kids, shopping for presents, decorating, making the cookies and the cakes. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU?? You do not need to spend a dime on self-care. Make sure you’re going to bed at the same time every night, take a long relaxing bath, read a book, watch something funny on TV, have a cup of tea, and listen to the quiet. go for a walk. If you do have money, go get a massage, take a yoga class, or sit in a sauna.
  4. Last, be gentle with yourself. As I get older I realized a few things; first, it doesn’t matter what or how your neighbor decorates their house. It’s none of your business. It doesn’t matter if dinner isn’t done at 5pm. It doesn’t matter if the cookies get done in time. It doesn’t matter if you forgot to gift someone. It doesn’t matter if things are not perfect. I used to want things to be perfect; kind of like the Susie Homemaker perfection or the June Cleaver perfection. I always made dozens and dozens of cookies, baked bread, threw the perfect parties, the perfect gifts, and make the perfect foods. But guess what? IT DOESN’T MATTER!!! When you’re on your deathbed, no one is gonna say, “She made the perfect cookies or the perfect bread.” No one is gonna say that! So let that perfection stuff go.

Go be you. Be the best you. But most important, do what you want to do; not what is “expected” of you.

Categories
Anxiety

Maneuvering the Medical System with Lipedema

Here in the US, the diagnosis of Lipedema is a tricky one. Many doctors don’t believe it’s real and think it’s just obesity. They’ll put you on a diet, see a nutritionist, or worst yet, on Wegovy or something like that. And yes I’ve had this happen to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my doctor and he’s really amazing, but he didn’t learn a lot about lipedema in med school. None of them do! According to my vascular doctor, they only get about 30 minutes about lipedema and/or lymphedema. To me, that’s pretty pathetic. Now Europe on the other hand, they’re well versed about it. There’s even a huge huge clinic in Germany just for lipedema and lymphedema.

So why is the United States so backwards?

I’m a huge advocate for myself and fight for what I need. Have done it for years. After all, I’ve had a pretty intimate relationship with my body and know it well. When I got diagnosed, my vascular doctor encouraged me to get the surgery which is a specific type of liposuction. I’m all for it. It will help with my overall health and wellness too. So I reached out to my regular insurance and honestly, they were clueless. In fact, one phone call to my insurance told me they didn’t even have a code for lipedema (which was a lie). So I filed a congressional complaint with my senator. FYI, anyone can do this when you’re having issues with your insurance. That honestly got the ball rolling. I now have a case manager, a patient advocate, and an open line directly with my insurance. Great. That’s covered. Now, let’s find a doctor. Fun fact, many plastic surgeons don’t take insurance!! One that was listed in my insurance was local. Great. I made an appointment and thought it went well and things were going to move forward. They sent me a quote and when I challenged them on it saying my insurance was supposed to cover this, they proceeded to gaslight me and tell me many things which were very (how do I say this nicely) shitty. When I told the insurance company, they acted fast and I was grateful.

So where am I at? I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon who’s about 3 hours away from me who specializes in lipedema! His office has been so kind and caring and they’re working with my insurance company. So we shall see what happens next.

Categories
Misc.

BMI is BULLSHIT!

Recently I did a BMI check and it showed I was mildly OBESE??? Now before I totally lose my shit, let’s go back to what BMI is. According to the National Institute of Health (NIH), BMI was created, “In 1972, physiologist Ancel Keys (1904-2004) built upon the work of Adolphe Quetelet’s Quetelet Index. He officially coined the modern term “body mass index” and provided evidence to support its current usage with his 1972 study [3], in which he analyzed 12 samples of 7,426 “healthy” men” (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10693914/#:~:text=In%201972%2C%20physiologist%20Ancel%20Keys,of%207%2C426%20%22healthy%22%20men.). MEN! Not women.

Now in 2024, the medical community is realizing BMI really isn’t a good judge on how healthy a man or woman is. In a recent posting by the Harvard School of Public Health, they stated, “BMI is a poor metric on people’s health. It’s not just Harvard saying this. Many different peer-reviewed medical journals are saying this. The funny thing is, the medical community still uses it! Why? The simple reason is because the news doesn’t trickle down to doctors in the field unless they’re looking for it. So I printed them out the last time I went to the doctor. Now I love my functional medicine doctor. He’s really been great. But he is a busy guy and doesn’t keep up with the latest things (and he admits it too). So I showed him all the new research and he was shocked! He told me they still teach BMI in medical school even though they are changing how the game is played.

How can you get past all this with your doctor? Simple. Print out the research which you can find pretty easily on Google. Yale, Harvard, NIH, etc. all have their research posted that you can print out. Even when I knew (I KNEW) I had Lipedema, I had to go in armed and prepared. That’s when the doctor sits up and listens. They don’t like being schooled but occasionally that needs to happen.

Categories
Lipedema

Lipedema & Yoga

So this year has been interesting so far. Here we are coming into October in a week and, to be honest, I’m ready for 2025. If you know me, you know I’ve had heavy legs and butt for a long time. Since about two years ago I’ve had an unusual amount of weight gain and not from my diet. I upped my workouts with rowing and power walking along with my yoga practice and nothing was moving on the scale. I also started doing the fasting thing. That didn’t work. I was sick and tired of my doctor telling me (well you need to work out more). DUDE! I’m working out 7 days a week!! Ladies, I know you’ve heard that from your doctors too (and yes ladies only because they never say that to men). I got so frustrated. In June, I decided to go to Google. I typed in, “Why are my legs and butt so big?” and what came up just blew my mind. I have a genetic disorder called Lipedema. I got the official diagnosis too from this remarkable vascular doctor in my area named Dr Emelia Bittenbinder.

What is Lipedema you ask? According to the Lipedema Project, it’s defined as:

Lipedema is a relatively common fat disorder that is often mistaken for simple obesity. Its clinical diagnosis is an adipose tissue disorder or a lipid metabolism disorder. A typical lipedema patient is a woman who struggles with large hips and legs, usually out of proportion to the rest of her body. Lipedema also appears in the upper arms. One of the hallmarks of the disease is that lipedema fat is relatively unresponsive to diet and exercise. These measures may lead to weight loss in other areas, but the size of the hips and legs remains disproportionately large.

Lipedema is both an excess buildup of fat cells in a particular area, and the expansion of those fat cells. Swelling in the interstitial fluid between cells may increase during the day in patients with lipedema, but does not usually cause “pitting edema.” Patients often complain of tenderness or pain in the fat, and report that they are easily bruised. Lipedema is little recognized in the United States medical community, and many women go undiagnosed for years.

So, what do we do about it? How can I fix this so I’m proportionally normal-looking? The first thing was getting compression wear. Talk about making someone feel old! Then the next fun-filled thing was getting measured and starting to use a compression pump. Now this contraption I can get behind. It’s an amazing massage for one hour. Last is surgery. Because the medical community really is unaware mostly of Lipedema, it’s hard to find a surgeon to cover it. I was lucky to find someone within my state and the surgery is scheduled.

One of the things that helps Lipedema is yoga. The doctor said I was incredibly lucky to be a yoga teacher and to keep it at bay for as long as I have. What triggers it? Menopause, pregnancy, and any estrogen-changing things in a woman’s body.

Another thing that helps is diet. A gluten-free, keto diet is the best. Lots of protein too. All of which I’ve done for over 20 years.

This has given me some thoughts. How can I help other women with this issue (1 in every 75 women have this issue. Most with Scottish/Irish descent)? I’ve teamed with Leslyn Keith at the Lipedema Project to create a program for other women who have this and I’m also building a yoga teacher training too. Soon you’ll see more on that.

For now, I’m excited to be a part of the Lipedema Projects Annual Conference which is September 27 – 29. You can check out the conference here.

Categories
Anxiety Depression PTSD Stress

Reflections

Last week I was teaching at a retreat center. It was so beautiful and lovely, and I couldn’t enjoy it. My anxiety was through the roof to the point it was waking it up in the middle of the night with panic attacks and flashbacks. I also had chronic and severe diarrhea due to my anxiety. Teaching took every ounce of my energy. Thinking was a difficult chore too. I could feel depression creeping in slowly. I haven’t had this happen in years! I didn’t know what was going on.

So what happened? After getting home and getting back to my normal self, I figured it out…it was my diet. At the retreat center it was a lovely vegetarian/vegan diet. While it was lovely, it had no protein at all. None. I normally eat a high protein diet, so hence, there went my anxiety.

In a 2019 article written by Mental Health Connecticut, the state,

“Food rich in protein contain amino acids to help produce key neurotransmitters in prevention and treating depression and anxiety. Protein packed meals and snacks help you avoid sugary, processed foods, which can trigger anxiety and depression” (Retrieved from https://www.mhconn.org/nutrition/protein-and-mental-health/#:~:text=Foods%20rich%20in%20protein%20contain,can%20trigger%20anxiety%20and%20depression.).

There is so much information and research done on this. I read three articles from Mental Health Journals that all stated the same! So where can we get protein to help our anxiety and depression? Here’s a breakdown of high protein foods:

  • Lean Beef – there are 22 grams of protein in a 3oz piece of lean beef.
  • Chicken – there’s 27 grams of protein in a 3oz piece of chicken.
  • Salmon – Salmon has 19 grams of protein in a 3oz piece.
  • Eggs (and yes, eggs ARE good for you) – One large egg has 6 grams of protein.
  • Peanut Butter – 7 grams of protein in 2 tablespoons.
  • Pasta (shocking!) – 1 cup of penne pasta has 6 grams of protein.
  • Cottage Cheese – 12 grams of protein in a ½ cup of cottage cheese.
  • Lentil (I love lentils) – 18 grams of protein in 1 cup of cooked lentils.

So what about if your vegan? Try these: Seitan (made with gluten and wheat), Tofu/Tempah/Edamame, Lentils, Beans, Nutritional Yeast, Spelt/Teff, Hemp Seeds, Green Peas, Spirulina, Amaranth/Quinoa, Ezekiel Bread & Sprouted Grain breads, Soy Milk, Oats/Oatmeal (though Oats is technically not good for humans), Wild Rice, Chia Seeds, Nuts/Nut Butter/Seeds, Protein rich foods such as  broccoli, spinach, asparagus, artichokes, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and Brussels sprouts, Fruits include:  guava, cherimoyas, mulberries, blackberries, nectarines, and bananas, and Mycoprotein which is a non-animal-based protein derived from Fusarium venenatum, which is a type of fungus.

There are many foods on this list I can’t eat because of celiac and nut allergies. However, there are a few I can eat. The bottom line for me to tell you this is simple: eat for your brain. If you do have anxiety, PTSD, and depression (or one of those), eat a diet that is high in protein.

Stress relieving foods are also helpful for those with a anxiety too. Foods that are high in Vitamin B, Omega 3 Fatty Acids, Protein, and Magnesium Rich are excellent for this. The Cleveland Clinic has an excellent list of great foods that are high in these items.

Listen to your body folks. It’s telling you something.

Categories
Anxiety Depression Mental Health & Wellness PTSD Trauma

Trauma is a Bitch

Anxiety is a bitch. It’s not chic or trendy or something that someone just magically has. I should know. I have anxiety associated with PTSD and Trauma. It has shaped who I am and how my life has changed because of it. It all started in 1982 when I had a trauma event from the military. Back then (and probably still today), you didn’t talk about it. You weren’t allowed unless you wanted kicked out. Yup! You never talk about trauma, anxiety, depression in the military. If you do, your chances of getting a General Discharge or an Other Than Honorable Discharge. Throughout my time in the military (active, guard, and reserve), I didn’t talk about it.  When more and more symptoms came about when I was married to my ex-husband, I never talked about it. Never shared it with friends, any company I worked for, my students…no one! It was taboo. At 60 years old, I’m not silent any longer.

How it started

In May of 1982 I was sexually assaulted by 6 men. When it happened I told my parents. My father was former military. They advised me not to say a word. I told one of my instructors. He too told me if I said anything to anyone, I would probably get an Article 151. So, I never said a word to anyone. Because I never said a word, I blacked it out. Totally became numb and slept with so many men.

Then came my marriage. I got married in 1988 to my ex-husband, had a baby, and got out of active duty. I thought in my head this would fix everything. I would have the perfect life and everything would be ok. Right around the time the ex retired, the abuse started. More trauma. By the time 1997 came around I was mentally broken. I left my ex-husband with my daughter. I ran and never looked back. Still, I didn’t talk about my trauma. At all.



This is when the physical issues started happening. I was working three jobs: I was active Guardsman, part time at Michaels, and another part time job, plus being a mom. It started with migraines, then joint pain. It became harder and harder for me to get to work on time. My anxiety was through the roof. I could hardly function. But wait! It gets even better! When my anxiety was high (which was a lot), I would get the “anxiety poops.” I’m not talking about just having to go, we’re talking about racing and hoping you make anxiety poops. I had to start carrying extra clothes. To compensate, I started drinking…a lot. It was the only way I felt like I could be “normal.”

I met a guy who changed my whole life. While working for the Air National Guard, I became friends with a guy I worked with. I was not even looking for anyone because I was so broken (and not telling anyone). In January 2000, this amazing man told me he loved me. My response, “oh, don’t love me. I have way too much baggage.” I fought my feelings for him. I didn’t want to love this great man. I couldn’t fight these feelings. My daughter loved him. I had long talks with my aunts on what love really feels like. It’s scary and frightening and yes it took my anxiety to another level. Eventually we got engaged and married.

 

This is where the mental journey begins…

After my lovely husband and I got married, I decided to go to college. I got my bachelors and my masters (it’s good to note that I sent a copy of my degrees to my ex because he said, “I was too stupid for college.”). I was still having the physical and mental issues and not saying a word to anyone. It started getting worse. I was doing my PhD program and had to do a residency. I got even sicker. By the time I arrived in Minneapolis, I was deathly ill; so bad the hotel staff was taking care of me. I crawled to my classes till my instructor told me to go back to the hotel because I was gray. After surviving the week, I headed home. Sick. Really sick. I could feel my life ending. I was slowly dying. When I got off the plane, my husband wanted to take me to the ER. I refused. My family doctor said it was, “just a virus.” The next day my mother found me on the floor in my home. I flatlined in the ER. I got diagnosed with even more fun stuff. Legionnaires Disease. No wonder I felt like I was dying. I WAS! Even though I survived Legionnaires, I felt like I was dying. I was married to the greatest guy ever, and the best daughter ever, but yet, I couldn’t even get out of bed. I wanted to end it. I thought about suicide. Knew exactly how to do it too…pills and booze. I laid in bed just thinking, “What the hell is wrong with me thinking this way? There has to be someone that knows what’s wrong with me.” I knew then and there I need to get my shit together…mentally and physically.

Dr G & Tom

I did some research and found a doctor who could possibly help me. Andre Garabedian saved my life. He said to me (after going from doctor to doctor to figure out what was wrong with me) “if you listen to me, I can help you get better.” He diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue along with a few other fun things. So, I did; I listened.  Took so many supplements, got IV treatments, and started doing yoga. All of it started working! I was starting to feel better. I added acupuncture too. I was feeling amazing! But I still didn’t fix my brain. Then I met Tom Fink, PhD. Tom was my psychologist. I told him things. I shared about my abusive marriage, the traumas of the military (excluding the assault…I wasn’t ready). We started doing neurofeedback2 which really helped so much! I finally realized I was healing from the inside out. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could breathe. Slowly I’m healing. I was with Tom for over 10 years with my healing journey. Between him, Dr G, my husband, my daughter, Tom, and the acupuncturist I felt like I was getting better and better.

 

My husband was starting to talk to me about reporting my assault to the VA. I wasn’t even ready to talk about it. I couldn’t. It wasn’t until I took a class on Military Sexual Trauma for my yoga teacher continuing education credits. Very good class but it triggered me; I was starting to remember what happened. It was haunting me in my dreams at night and during the day. So after three years of my husband saying I should tell someone, I decided to do it. I started the paperwork with the VA. It was scary. I figured they wouldn’t believe me. I started talking to Tom about it for the very first time. Just saying it out loud to someone was fearful.  He asked me why I never shared it. I explained it was a trauma response not to say a word. I told him everything. I cried. I got angry. I was reliving it over again. However, Tom (and if you knew him, you would love this old hippie as much as I do) created such an incredibly safe space for me where I felt ok to share. We talked about it all. I’m finally heard and seen.

The VA Saga

With the VA, anything that is anxiety, PTSD, or trauma you get a psych eval. For anyone who hasn’t had one, let me just say it is extremely frightening and triggering. I got lucky though; I had a forensic psychologist who even before I got there, pieced it all together…my whole life. From the assault to the not caring about who I slept with to the horrible choices in men I made, and more. He was really good. Again, I was heard and seen.

Still a Work in Progress

Today I’m better than ever. At 60, I feel like I’m in my 20’s. I have a job I love and my great husband. I still see Dr G every six months. Tom and the acupuncturists have since retired but I still keep in touch with them.

However, there’s one thing I still have, the morning anxiety poops. I really needed to get this fixed. I’ve had to change my entire life over this darn issue. I do meditation, tapping, and more to help it to no avail. My career is really taking off so I have to get this under control. I reached out to try hypnotherapy. It’s helping. Normally in hypnotherapy, you go for three visits. So far, I’ve done two. It’s actually the best it’s ever been! I can do things! I can take my dog for a walk in the morning or run the to the store or even work! All things impossible before.

Why?

So why do I tell you this? It’s simple, don’t be like me. If something happens, tell someone. If they don’t listen, tell someone else until you’re heard. As you can see, all this trauma that I never talked about manifested in my body to make me sick. When they say, “the issues are in the tissues” that’s no BS. It’s true. It’ll find a way to make its lovely appearance somehow sometime somewhere. Your mental health is incredibly important; it’s as important as your overall physical health too. Yoga has taught me in order to have the “mind/body union” you have to fix the brain and the body…not just the body. You can fix and workout your body all you want, but if you don’t fix your mental health, it’s all for nothing. You can be all the people pleasing you want, but if you don’t address the issues in front of you, all that people pleasing is for naught. You can be the best marathon runner out there, but if you don’t work on your brain, all that running won’t mean a thing. Listen to me. Listen to Cindy. Your mental health is as important as your physical health. Yes, I’ve said it twice. Do get the hint??

 

Article 15 Fact Sheet: https://www.in.ng.mil/Portals/33/Resources/Troop_Resources/Office%20of%20the%20Staff%20Judge%20Advocate/PDFs/Article_15_Fact_Sheet.pdf?ver=2019-03-15-153028-603 on 4 April 2022.

What is Neurofeedback? Retrieved from: https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/what-is-neurofeedback-therapy/#scrollto_what_is_neurofeedback_therapy_section on 4 April 2022.

Garabedian Clinic – https://iwc-philly.com

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Cindy Beers, MS 500ERYT is a yoga teacher in Mechanicsburg, PA where she lives with her husband Bob and their dog Molly.